When I first got the idea of leaving Oslo for Madrid, people had MANY opinions about it. They told me it would never work, I would never make it here alone with my child (and if I did, it would be a real damage to him to move to a new country). It was a mistake of me to quit my job, to rent out my house, to go to a country where I did not even speak the language.
I did not listen to them, I was not happy in Oslo, in fact, I had never been more sad as the last year I was living there. The way I see it, it would have been a failure of me staying in something that did not bring me happiness. A beautiful house, a good job, things settled – guess you have all heard this story before : Inside I was screaming. I wanted more out of my life, I was not feeling alive. Everyday I struggled to understand the meaning of my life. The meaning of having that house, that I was so unhappy in. The meaning of working in that respected job, that did not give me any pleasure. The meaning of getting up and going to bed everyday and feeling like I did not have time or energy to appreciate my son. I could not understand why my live should be like this. People insisted, I was not going to make it, I would regret my choice, I would end up unhappy. But we moved, me and Mini. Together. Our first trip here was in February 2018, one weekend of beautiful discoveries, I remembered we walked in a park in the sun the evening before leaving home to Oslo on sunday, and I thought about how beautiful life was and how thrilled we both were to start over in this new place called Madrid. After all these hard years, with so much suffering and sadness, we would finally find peace and recover.
Despite my “so it seemed” courage and positive attitude, I was all the time feeling the questions of my friends, colleagues, all these people surrounding me. “What if it would not work?” Would it be a failure then? Would that be a good enough reason for me to stay where I was in Oslo and keep my mouth shut? No. Of course not. Trying is never failing. You must try and you must sometimes fail too, in order to progress and develop. It hurts when buds crack to bloom.
I do not call my choices in life mistakes, nor failures. I would say they are only failures if you do not learn from them and I am good at learning. Moving to Madrid was not a failure. It was an adventure. I would have regretted it forever if I would not have dared to go.
What I want to say with this is that you can never know what the future will bring, never. Sometimes we end up in unwanted situations we did not plan from the beginning, and sometimes the fear of failing, or the fear of the unknown, makes us stay longer in something that is bad, than what is maybe good for us. I feel a lot of things about Madrid and this year, but most of all I feel gratitude for everything I get to do, and discover. I know, that it is my courage and boldness that has brought me here and I am proud of my accomplishments. I am courageous. It is a gift being a courageous person. Sometimes it brings you into challenging situations, but that is a part of the game.
Just listen to your gut feeling. And jump. Say yes, as often as you can. Don’t be so scared of the unknown, remember:
There’s freedom, waiting for you,
on the breezings of the sky.
And you ask
“But what if I fall?”
Oh, but my darling,
what if you fly?